When You Are Hurting…..

When you are hurting……….you cannot just ‘choose’ to be happy.

When you are hurting……….you are tired.

When you are hurting……….your body aches.

When you are hurting……….you lash out with your words and hurt others. You don’t intend to hurt others. You’re not even sure how these things happen.

When you are hurting………you eat, drink, drug, gamble, shop, have sex, take vacations, overspend, smoke, start relationships, end relationships, and yell at people far more than you should. You need something to help you feel better.

When you are hurting……..you feel alone even in a room full of people.

When you are hurting……..you feel as if no one understands you.

When you are hurting………you want revenge on those people you believe ‘done you wrong’.

When you are hurting…….you feel justified in your anger, blame, criticism, depression, envy, fear, grief, hatred, illness, jealousy, lying, moodiness, narcissism, oppressiveness, pride, rage, sadness, thoughtlessness, vanity, and worry.

When you are hurting………your mind races with thoughts of who, what, where, when and why. You can’t shut off your brain for more than a few minutes at a time.

When you are hurting……….your entire world is miserable. You find something wrong with every situation, every person, every minute of every day, and you don’t know how to stop it from snowballing. People tell you to make lemonade out of lemons, suck it up, or just choose a different thought. Maybe they try to explain to you why something happened, and offer their opinions without knowing the whole situation. What do they really know about what happened to you or how you are feeling anyway?

When you are hurting, the hurt will continue until it gets bad enough that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it stop. There may be some temporary periods of relative happiness or maybe even contentedness, but eventually, the hurt will come back until you figure out what the cause of the hurt actually is and heal it. It will take work and it will take a commitment on your part. A commitment to the real you – not the victim who is blaming anyone and everyone for all that happened to you. You must get to a point where you know that the real you is NOT a victim and that there is no one to blame for whatever it is that happened to you, regardless of what that was. You must be willing to face the truth of what your life has really been up to this point – not what you think it was. You must be ready to take control of your own life and be responsible for your actions, decisions and thoughts.

So, how do you start? The first step is always the hardest, but once you make the decision to get better and change your life, opportunities will present themselves to you. You’ve heard the saying: when the student is ready, the teacher appears? It is true, but it might not be what you think. Lessons are learned mostly through experience, so expect to meet some new folks that will present you with some form of experience that will help you see exactly what it is that is inside of you that needs to heal. Maybe you’ll meet someone who will show you how important you are to others, or maybe you’ll meet someone who will treat you exactly the same as all the people who hurt you. Both scenarios will teach you something about yourself that you need to know.


The most important step is to ask for help. No one can heal on their own. Find someone to speak with who is completely removed from your life and can be completely objective to what has happened to you. Speaking with friends or family who will agree with the victim that is hurting in you is not going to help you one bit. You need to speak with a person who can see things from a completely different perspective. Find someone you feel comfortable talking with who has experience helping others work through their past and heal it.

Healing is three fold: Mind – Body – Spirit. If your body isn’t healthy, your mind cannot get healthy, and your Spirit will be so distant you won’t be able to hear it calling to you.

If you have been hurting for a long time, your body has been affected. Your emotions are connected to your body, and your body affects your emotions. You are not a one-way street. Everything affects another. Work with a qualified holistic practitioner who can determine which body systems are not functioning properly, and guide you to do whatever you need to do to help your body find its way back to health again. Exercise, replenishing depleted nutrients, eating foods that will properly fuel your body, and learning tools that help you to deal with stress in a healthy way is all part of healing.

Most importantly, find a way to communicate with God – however you define Him/Her – and set aside a time of day, every day, to connect with your God and allow His Grace into your life. Learn to quiet your mind from racing and listen to the wisdom your Spirit is offering.

© 2017 Penny Hodgson. All rights reserved.

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